Understanding
by Anthropometry
Summary: Johnny’s escapades during his high school years, as told from the point of view of everyone’s most loathed character: the Head Cheerleader. Set in present day.
1. Groupthink

_Johnny's escapades during his high school years, as told from the point-of-view of everyone's most loathed character: the Head Cheerleader. Set in present day._

---

I think we all want our lives to be extraordinary, to be different from everyone else's. Each and every one of us wants a story to tell our grandkids when we're all creased with the lines of age, and have them listen in pure wonder and admiration of us. We all want something that we could leave behind when we die, something more meaningful then just a memory.

I think that's why I wanted Johnny so much. I wanted, every so often, to take away the commonplace, the monotony of my everyday life. He was something different, something exciting, something fearsome but simultaneously fascinating. He was something that could make my life extraordinary.

---

Walking down the halls of my high school is like walking down the red carpet, every single day. People stare in a mix of admiration and fear, parting like the Red Sea for Moses whenever I should walk past them, my elite circle closed in around me. As if I am Joan of Arc resurrected in the body of a sixteen-year-old girl.

I am a person who garners intimidation and respect from most of my peers, but this is partly because it had always been this way. Ever since kindergarten, I've been Ms. Popularity. This title is vital to me, and I find ways to climb to the top of the social ladder in every school I'm in. Elementary, junior high, and now, high school. It's easy to be in the spotlight, since I'm constantly hungry for the attention and the esteem. And if someone else inches in with me, I find ways to push them out, whether it's 'fair' or not.

Being fair simply does not matter to me.

Admittedly, one of my claims to fame is my ability to rock the boat. I always try to cause some sort of controversy wherever I go, whether it be stealing another girl's man, starting fights in the halls, or simply sparking a vicious rumor about somebody. Drama comes to me effortlessly, and the people just eat it up like candy.

Well, most of the people. There is that one odd group of kids, who only seem to get annoyed by my Soap-Opera-worthy theatrics. In the halls, they give me dirty looks, and scuttle away to their dark little corners. And as egocentric as it sounds, I can tell they only do that because they're jealous. They pretend to hate me to mask their jealousy. While I am respected, confident, and beloved, they're shunned, insecure, and angst-ridden. And they aim all that angst at me, because they have nothing better to do.

But this doesn't faze me whatsoever. They are not people who I associate with, and I never would associate with them. That's what I thought for a long time, until I was assigned my partner for a Philosophy project.

---

Although I am practically legendary in the tri-state area, I'm no Einstein. At least, not in math. Or Science. Or history. Or English. In fact, I'm not very good at most of the subjects offered at school. I could've been; I'm one of those students who managed to pass most of the classes, but am capable of so much more, if only I applied myself. Except I don't.

However, I do have one forte, one that no one really expected from me. Philosophy. I don't know why, but I find it actually _fun_ to speculate on things that are offered in that class. The people we study seem brilliant to me. And the theories… don't even get me started. I get positively giddy just thinking about it.

Sometimes I surprise myself whenever I'm in that class. I know that I surprise my peers, too. Every time I make a comment or answer a question with a level of intelligence higher then that of a hamster, I would get skeptical looks and sometimes even whispers of, 'what the fuck? Where did _that_ come from?' Like they don't believe what I was saying. I don't blame them; I'm sort of dim-witted, and my marks don't exactly back me up.

I get a lot of bullshit from Johnny, especially. He would sit, all by himself, in the back of the class, and if I ever answered a question before him, he'd get this petulant look on his face, probably because I answered it better then he ever could.

But then again, I have to give the kid some credit. He is in my Biology class and my Media Studies class, and he is silent as the grave. And during breaks, I'd see him hanging around his group of outcasts, equally as quiet. But in Philosophy he seems to come alive… well, almost. As alive as someone like him could ever get. He actually talks, and participates in discussions, and gives profound insights into conversations. Not that any of this makes him any less of an outsider, or any more appealing to me as a person.

So anyway, I could see how he might get a bit irked at the fact that I steal his thunder. But he is smart, I'm not. Nevertheless, we are, to some extent, rivals, at least in that one class.

Which is why, I think, we were paired up for that stupid assignment.

---

"Winona and Nelson," Ms. Alton droned out the couples. "Ivy and Asher. Miriam and Clyde…" And so on and so forth. Each pairing was met with looks of revulsion, distress, or pure shock. It was quite clear that Ms. Alton was bent on making the worst pairings imaginable.

I gave an impatient sigh and started tapping my nails on the desktop, my chin resting in my palm. My mind was drifting elsewhere at the moment. Precisely, to the Semi-Formal, which was fast approaching. I was still lacking a proper dress, I didn't have enough money to buy one myself, and my parents refused to shell out some cash. But that could easily be remedied. Jason, my boy-toy of the month, was always in a giving mood, especially after some… gentle persuasion.

"…Audrey and Johnny," Immediately I was snapped out of my reverie.

"Wait," I interrupted Ms. Alton, as she was about to announce Jenna's partner. "Me and… who?"

"Johnny," And as if I was blind, she pointed a pencil in his direction. I swiveled in my seat and caught the eye of Johnny, who must have been mirroring my current state of mind: absolute horror. I gave a half-hearted smile, before turning back around and burrowing my face into my hands. 'Relax, Audrey. Deep breathes. You could always negotiate your way out of this. It's not a big deal,'

"There will be no compromise or negotiation regarding who you are partners are," She said, as if reading my thoughts. Evidently no one was pleased with their pairings, as a collective groan was heard from the class.

"Calm down, calm down," She rolled her eyes and raised her voice over the complaints being echoed across the room. "Since it's your first major assignment, I'll be picking your partners for you. For the rest of the semester, you'll be free to pick your own.

"Your assignment is very simple. It consists of one question, which both partners have to answer, mutually. In the end, you will present your answer in the form of a paper, written by both partners," Ms. Alton paused. "The question is this…" She paused for dramatic effect, her cat-like green eyes narrowing and her mouth curling in a smile. "How do I know that I exist?"

The entire class cried out, even louder then before, in perfect unison, it was like a scene out of a movie. I could see through the open door as students from the class across the hall all leaned out of their desks to see what all the noise was about.

Then all the complaining started.

"That question's too open!" Someone howled, and that was followed by yet another loud outburst of objections.

"Settle down!" Alton rubbed her temples and squeezed her eyes shut tightly, something she always did when aggravated. She was a young woman, but she acted like my grandmother. "Christ. It's just one assignment, you'll get through this," She sighed, but I have a feeling she was talking to herself.

I raised my hand with irritation and stretched myself as high out of my seat as I could.

"Ms. Bishop, please, before your hand falls off," Alton seemed just as annoyed.

"I would just like to know, what the real point of this assignment is," I asked.

"If you're suggesting that there's a hidden purpose, there isn't," She raised a finely plucked brow at me. But her sly smile suggested otherwise.

"Then why don't we just pick our own partners? It seems as if you purposely picked people we wouldn't be able to get along with," I realized what I said then and quickly corrected myself. "I mean, you chose partners who don't really mesh with one another, mostly,"

"That was by pure coincidence," Alton walked back to her desk and sat down on it. "Now, moving on…"

As she began explaining the rubric of the project, I turned not-so-discreetly to steal another glance at my partner. He was glaring straight ahead, seemingly unaware of me.

He looked pissed.

---

Review please?


	2. Valence Effect

**A/N**: I felt like I should make this clear: I don't want to sound like a bitch, but this story is just not my first priority. I'm not saying I don't care about it, I'm just saying that if I have to choose between writing more of this fanfic, and finishing my homework, I'm going to pick my homework.

**AND**: thanks for all the reviews… I'm glad to know people actually read what I'm writing )

**AND AND**: I just want people to remember that this is Johnny _in high school_. A younger version, slightly less intense. So sorry in advance to anyone who thinks he's OOC, this is just my interpretation.

---

After class, I attempted to approach the hostile Johnny with the intention of resolving our differences somewhat, so that we wouldn't have to suffer so much through the duration of the project (which was due within two months).

Bad idea? Probably. Do I care? Not really.

"Hey," I stepped in front of him on his way out the door, a tight smile on my face.

He stopped dead in his tracks, pokerfaced, as usual. He was quite a bit taller then me, but I wasn't intimidated. No one in the history of the world has ever managed to daunt me, and I intend on keeping it that way.

"Listen, we're gonna have to do this stupid project whether we like it or not," I explained. "So we may as well get past this stupid-ness, so that we don't have to be miserable during this whole thing." I stuck out a hand. "Truce?"

He stared at my hand for a few awkwardly long seconds, as if contemplating something. Then he looked up at me with the deadliest look I've ever seen. And by deadly, I really mean _deadly_. It's weird; a look can't be deadly, but I swear… I don't even know how to explain. It just looked scary.

"Sorry. If I agreed, I'd be lying." His voice was sort of gravelly. He pushed me aside and walked away, leaving me utterly baffled. And annoyed to no end.

---

"How could he just… just walk away from me? He pushed me, too!" My voice was an octave higher then usual, due to my outrage.

"Unbelievable," Wendy, my favorite partner-in-crime, nodded in agreement. She took a sip of her diet coke. "Noodle Boy is criminally insane. It's a known fact," She paused to have another sip. "It's been nice knowing you,"

I rolled my eyes at her and stabbed at my salad viciously before shoving it away. My appetite just wasn't there. I was bothered. Why was I so bothered? "Shut the fuck up, Wendy," I pouted.

In case you're curious, everybody calls Johnny 'Noodle Boy' behind his back, because he's super skinny. There are a few brave souls who dare to say the nickname in front of him, but I don't think he really knows just how much people make fun of him. I actually pity him just a little bit; he's such a loser.

"Whatever," Janet scoffed. "He's, like, fucked up and you'll just have to deal." Janet is a petite blonde with a penchant for Bacardi and cigarettes, just like me. It's probably the only reason I get along with her; I have no other drinking buddies as hardcore as Janet.

"This is the worst thing to happen to me since my Kate Spade bag fell down that sewer drain," I whined. "Shit. What's Noodle Boy's story anyway?"

"Well," Wendy smirked and leaned forward, the cue for everyone to lean forward with her, as she was about to reveal some juicy information. I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head in the crevice. "I heard lots of things. I heard he's a mental patient who escaped from a local asylum, and now he's here disguised as a student, trying to find someone to be his next victim.

"Others say that his parents died in some sort of Hollywood-style tragedy, and he just lost it-"

"That's so cliché," I laughed quietly. "I'll bet he's just weird. Sometimes people are just weird,"

Janet and Wendy just exchanged nervous glances. "Just be careful around him. Like… I heard some scary stuff," Wendy said.

"Wait," I leaned out of the huddle. "Are you… are you actually serious?"

"I heard scary stuff too," Janet twirled a piece of blonde hair around her finger. "I'm not, like, trying to scare you or anything. Just… watch yourself," Her forehead was crinkled with concern.

I sat there, speechless. Maybe I should've gone to Alton, like I wanted to, and just told her that I wanted- no, _needed_ to switch partners because I was afraid mine might mutilate me. But then I thought she'd just laugh at me and turn me away, which she probably would, no one really took me seriously.

---

The next morning, in Media Studies, I made a second attempt to communicate with Johnny.

Instead of sitting with Samantha Gerinsky, I made my way to the back of the class, almost trembling with fear. At the same time I felt exhilarated. I've never been scared of anyone before, usually it's the other way around. I was almost shaking. Almost.

Johnny was bent over his desk, scribbling rapidly in his notebook. Cautiously, I sat down in the desk next to him. I looked over his shoulder. "What are you drawing?"

He stopped abruptly, sat there completely frozen for a second, and then turned his head very slowly to glare at me. His eyes were this eerie grey color that I'd never seen on a person before. They looked weird on his sickly face.

"It's a little thing I like to call Happy Noodle Boy," He tore the paper out of the book and pushed it towards me.

"Happy… noodle boy?" I gave a tentative laugh. "Where'd you get that name from?" I knew. I knew he knew. He knew I knew he knew.

I didn't even see him when he leapt up from his chair. He was suddenly towering over me, his hands balled into fists. "DON'T LIE TO ME!!" He screamed like a madman. "I KNOW!** DO YOU THINK I DON'T**?! I _**DO**_!" He grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me violently. "OR ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID?!!" He tightened his grip on me, digging his nails into my skin.

He stared at me for what seemed like forever. I was petrified. He really was crazy.

'Oh my God, he's going to kill me,' I thought. 'What do I do? What do I do?'

Then Mr. Porter walked in the room, and Johnny recoiled back into his desk, acting as if nothing had ever happened. I looked around, wild-eyed. No one even looked at us. It was as if no one noticed.

For the rest of the class, I sat stiff as a board, afraid to move. After the bell rang, signaling the end of the period, Johnny stood up said, "I believe we still have to make arrangements to work on our Philosophy assignment?" As if everything was just fine.

I gawked at him with my lips curling in on themselves. I couldn't say anything.

"That's fine. We'll make the plans some other time," He pushed the Happy Noodle Boy drawing even closer to me. "You can keep that. Show your friends."

---

"Hey babe," Jason wrapped his muscled arms around me, engulfing me in a steroid-created cocoon. He pecked my lips quickly, like he always did, and asked, "What's up?" Like he always did.

"Mmmhmmumph," I buried my head in his chest. I could smell the Axe on him, a familiar smell that comforted me and at the same time bored me.

"Huh?" He pulled away. "What's up?" He asked again, this time with more unease.

I mulled over the idea of telling him what happened, but then decided against it. He would beat Johnny to a pulp if I told him, and something in my head didn't want that. "I had a tough test, and I think I failed," I shrugged.

Jason gave a scoff. "Since when do you care about tests?" He asked.

"I needed to pass this one, 'cause my parents said they'd ground me if I didn't," I lied. I'm good at lying, thank God.

---

Philosophy class came way too soon. I sat at the very front of the class, trying to keep away from Johnny. I knew that he was messed up, but I didn't think those rumors were even remotely true. Now… whole other story.

I thought for sure that as soon as the class ended, he'd drag me outside and skin me alive, then eat my innards.

Nope. Instead, he just walked out without even giving me a second glance.

---

"Audrey?" Janet poked my side.

"Hmm?" I was chewing on a straw, staring blankly at a spot in space. I wasn't really that focused.

"Lunch is over," She told me, before getting up with her tray. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, but I think she only asked because she felt obliged to.

"Yeah," I nodded, still chewing on the straw and still staring at that one spot.

"I'm going out for a quick smoke before class. Are you coming or what?" She sounded really impatient. It didn't really help speed me along.

"I'll be there," I didn't look at her.

"Whatever," Janet flipped her hair and sashayed away.

I chewed harder on the straw, feeling the plastic bending beneath my teeth. Are teeth as strong as rocks? It seemed that way, since I was gnawing through that straw like a knife through butter.

You know that feeling you get when you're being watched, sometimes? Like… the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, you get goosebumps all down your arms, you start to tingle from the inside, in your gut.

Yep. I got that feeling then. I looked up, straw still in my mouth, and noticed that the cafeteria was deserted, except for one person. Guess who. But like... seriously... how does shit like this even happen? Totally unreal.

I dropped the straw, and swallowed so hard I could've sworn that he heard it. I'll bet he's like an animal; he can smell my fear.

---

Sorry if it seemed like it took me a while to write this up… but I don't really have much time right now to update every day. I'll probably make updates every week or so, or if I'm busy every two weeks. Again, sorry…


	3. Anthropic Bias

**A/N**: OHMYGODWHAT!? An update? Why, yes, yes it is. God. Sorry. I'm a bitch. I'm not even gonna try and come with an excuse for my absence. Also, I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I am currently looking for a Beta. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Anyone possibly interested?

---

I gave him an indifferent glance before getting up and putting my tray of food into the trash. I hadn't even touched it.

"What do you want?" I asked apathetically, flatly.

"We need to do it," He said, as if what he was talking about was crystal clear.

I turned around, hoping the disgust was clearly written across my face. "What?!" I practically spat at him. Scum.

'Be careful.' Something inside me warned. My conscience? Nah, I'd rid of myself of that the day I started smoking. But a thing inside my head made my stomach turn with anxiety. Can't really explain it, because I don't know exactly what it is.

He rolled his eyes at me. "The project? The philosophy project?" He then muttered something to himself that I couldn't quite make out. It was like he was talking to himself or something. Shit. He's actually insane.

"Oh, right, right," I sighed and crossed my arms. "What about it?"

Johnny looked like he had just eaten a lemon. One eye was narrowed, but the other one was wide open like a saucer, and his mouth was in a tight line. Stress much?

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Okay, I tried this once before, but I'll try it again," I paused and shifted around. It became more and more obvious to me that I was alone with him. He could just… just take a spork and stab me and leave, and he'd probably get away with it. I don't know why, I just think he could.

I swallowed the bitter taste of dread in my mouth. What was wrong with me? I swear I'm not like this, so pathetically _scared_ of some stupid creepy little boy. I control him; I shouldn't fear him. "I think, you know, if we have to work on a project together, and-" Here I took a deep breath, because the thought just sickens me, really. "And spend _time_ together, we should be able to tolerate each other…" I paused, scrunching up my nose. "Or something like that. You know?"

He stared down at me with those eerie, beady little eyes. God. Why does he have to make everything so dramatic? I mean, seriously. I'm just trying to patch things up between us. Kinda.

I raised a brow at him. "Something on your mind, sugar?" I wasn't trying to be affectionate, just for the record. Ew. Being affectionate with Johnny. Skinny, slimy, sickly Johnny. Ew. Ew. Fucking _EW_. It just slipped out of my mouth for some reason. I guess I felt like being ironic or something.

He stood there, looking very sullen, of course, for about thirty seconds, before a self-satisfied smile crept across his face. Like he was pleased with what I had just said. Which makes me want to vomit, obviously. And if I seem like I'm being defensive now, _I swear I'm not_.

He patted me, just once, on the head, which felt very much like being hit on the head with a tree branch. "You are so pleasantly idiotic. God, people like you are just too much fun. I can't wait." His mouth pulled across his teeth even more, and he just skipped away. Really, he skipped. It was so disturbing.

"You can't wait for what? For what?" I called after him, but by that time he had already flounced his way out of the cafeteria, leaving me thoroughly perturbed.

---

I have three classes all in a row with Johnny, which is really just bad, bad luck. Media Studies, Philosophy, and biology. I sit at the very back of the room in biology class, with Wendy, because I think biology is pointless. I really don't care, and I'm failing because of that. My parents don't give a shit, which I'm actually thankful for.

But Johnny sits at the very front, silent as usual; taking notes in his notebook like it's his job. Not only is he deranged, he's damn smart. From what I've heard, he's the best out of the entire class. Never got less then perfect on a test. His parents must worship the ground he walks on.

Or maybe he's killed his parents. But then who's he trying to impress? God. Lately he's been like this parasite just eating away at my brain and invading my thoughts.

At this point, I laughed out loud, right in the middle of biology class, no less, because the idea of Johnny as a bug is just so plausible to me. Plausible. Is that the right word?

"Audrey," Mr. Gopivallabha snapped. He hates me. "Care to explain this sudden outburst?" Mr. Gopivallabha is a middle-aged Indian man who probably immigrated here when he was already grown, because he has a thick accent. Wendy and I spend a lot of time laughing at him during his classes. I know it's so rude to do that because it's not like he chooses to do that, but we can't help ourselves.

"Sorry sir. I was sneezing," I shrugged. Restrained laughter rippled through the class. Mr. Gopivallabha just turned around and went back to whatever he was writing on the board. For some reason I kinda wanted to see what Johnny's reaction was, but he sits in my row of desks, so that was pretty much impossible.

Valerie, an annoying little prick who sits directly in front of me, twisted in her seat to glare at me. "Ignorant," She hissed, and turned back around.

Wendy gave me a warm smile and passed me a folded up piece of paper. On it was written: 'She's gonna regret that, isn't she.' I looked up, returning her pleasant expression and gave a quick nod.

We weren't allowed to talk for the rest of the class; I missed the exact reason why. Normally, this rule wouldn't stop Wendy and me from talking, but Mr. Gopivallabha decided to walk right over to us and stand there, looking over our shoulders, for the rest of the period.

So now I'm left alone with my thoughts. And he's on my mind. Wow. I can't stop wondering what's going on in his head when he's just staring down at me. He's probably thinking about killing me, or maiming me, or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Why would he want to hurt me like that? I mean, yeah, we're not exactly best friends, but I've never really done anything to him _directly_.

Maybe… he just needs some friends, or something. I wonder if he's ever had a birthday. He doesn't look like the kind of person who celebrates things. He looks really morose, but that's just pointing out the obvious. Maybe-

Mr. Gopivallabha tapped me on the shoulder. "Stop daydreaming!" He yelled out loud enough for everyone to hear.

Fuck you, Mr. Gopivallabha, fuck you.

---

Fashion, my last class of the day, started off great. Janet is in my class, so you know I'm gonna be entertained. Sometimes she brings those little miniature bottles of alcohol and we take turns sipping from them. It's like Russian roulette because we could be caught at any minute, and at this point I'd probably be expelled, at least I think so, because I've done a lot of shit much worse then this. But there's a reason people play Russian roulette, right?

Anyway. It was all going good until I happened to look out the door. It was just for a second, maybe two or three, but I swear I saw Johnny drifting by like a ghost. Our eyes met up. I shivered.

"What?" Janet asked, looking up from a sketch she was working on.

"Ugh," I grunted and shivered again. "I think Johnny's stalking me," I tossed my hair over my shoulder. Habit

She cackled. "He's probably, like, obsessed with you," She went back to her drawing.

My entire face crinkled. "Why?" Was the only thing I could manage to spit out.

"Think about it. He's not exactly the most popular guy around. I don't think he has any friends…" Janet blew a bubble and popped it. "You're probably the first girl who's ever given him a second glance. And you know… he's all… messed up and shit, so he probably thinks you love him or something," She popped her gum again. This time I actually grabbed the gum before she had a chance to suck it back in, and stuck it under the desk.

"Hey!" She cried out, but I ignored her.

"You don't really think that's true… do you?" I cringed again. "Ah… ah GAWD. That would be just…" I pretended to vomit on her shoes. She snorted, but I could tell she was really amused by all this. And frankly, so was I. If Johnny really was attracted to me, that would equal to some harmless fun for me… and my friends.

---

My ride was late. I glanced down at my watch – 4:17 PM. The sun was really beating down on me. It was awfully quiet outside, except for a weird distant hum. I could never understand where it was coming from or what it was, but it sounded electrical.

The doors of the school opened, and out walked Johnny. Of course. Who else could it be? I mean, with the way things were going by then, I should've been expecting this sort of thing. My life has now become a really bad horror movie. Really bad.

"Hey," I said and waved. What else could I do? I mean, he was there, I was there, no one else was there. If I didn't say anything, it would've been just awkward and creepy between us.

Johnny just stared at me as if I was out of my mind. You know, that stupid smug-yet-bored look that someone gives you when they think they're so above you. Janet can't be right about him. Clearly, he doesn't like me any more then I like him.

"I said, 'hey.' Usually when someone says that, the other has to respond," I sighed mockingly. "God, you need help," I waited for him to say something.

He tipped his head to the side, and started walking towards me with this… this _homicidal_ look in his eyes. I swear, it was chilling. I took a step backwards and suddenly remembered why I don't talk to Johnny when we're alone.

He walked right up to me so that he was towering over me. Then he bared his teeth and I thought that he was going to bite me or something. "Hey," He grinned.

I stumbled backward again. "God, what's your problem?" I could here myself stuttering. Jesus, I don't stutter. "Don't you know what it's like to have a normal conversation!?"

His grin suddenly faded away.

"That wasn't meant to be a stumper," I fixed my hair.

"I wasn't stumped," He promptly countered. "Actually," He continued. "It seems to me, that it would be _you_ who can't manage to conduct a normal conversation," He crossed his skinny little arms over his skinny little chest and jutted one skinny little hip out at me. Diva, seriously.

"What?" I scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"Excuse you indeed. Every time we speak, you get apprehensive and shifty and all…" He looked up quickly. "Crazy."

I laughed. Actually, it was more like a shout. "Are you kidding me? You think I'm the crazy one here? HA!" I shouted again. "I- I- you think that- and with the- NOODLE- I mean ughGOD…"

"Very articulate," He smiled lop-sidedly. "I, you, meh, blaerghajarjarrahh MNEEEHGAAWWD," He mocked me, complete with the whole tongue-sticking-out-of-mouth, whiny voice and roll-y eyes. He even danced around a little bit.

"Whatever," I sneered. "I don't feel like I have to waste my time on some side-show dropout like you," I turned away.

"Au contraire," He tapped my head with one claw-like finger. That hurts, if you must know. "The project?"

I swivelled on my heel and smacked his hand away. He looked shocked (but I'm pretty sure he was mocking me) and smacked me back. I smacked him again. And so it went on. Smack smack smack owsmackowsmackowsmack back and forth, until he really whipped me on the back of my hand, leaving a mark.

"OW!" I cried, pulling my hand towards my chest and rubbing it gently.

"YOU STARTED IT!" He yelled back.

"ARRRRRGH," There was no point in arguing with him. "You're such a child," I mumbled, and then growled again, because I remembered that the project was mandatory. There was no way out. I could choose not to do it, but then Alton would never let me get away with it. Shit shit shit shiiiiiiit.

"_Whatevverr_," The word rumbled in my throat. "That was so pointless. And yeah, I guess you're right. We do need to do the project." I turned around to face him and was about to say something, but then I noticed the perplexing look on his face. It was the same one he had in the cafeteria… except a little less stressed out and a little more… I dunno. One eye was narrowed and the other was bigger. His mouth was in this straight line but curved more at the bottom.

"What? Whaat?" I whined.

"Saturday," He said.

"What?"

"Saturday. We meet in the library on Saturday," He said, as if it was a perfectly normal situation.

"Huh? No. Noo way. No, we're doing this in my house, _my house_, because it's bad enough being alone in school with you but being with you in the library _NO_."

"Once again. Very articulate," He sniggered.

"Ohhhh-kay then. Anyway. You come to my house Saturday at 7:30 PM. Don't talk to anyone, don't touch anything, don't do anything unless I say you can. You got that? Here's my address," I scribbled it down on a piece of paper and shoved it into his chest.

He smiled cordially and thanked me. And then he smacked me on the head.

---

**A/N**: You all have the right to hate me. I promise the next one will be so much more interesting then this. Wow. Review please.


	4. Pseudocertainty

**A/N: **All I can say is review, review, and then review again because I really value feedback. Give me looooooong reviews. Tell me what your favorite part was, which part(s) you thought was/were the worst, and what I could do better. I really, really need to know what you think. How else am I supposed to grow as a writer?

And I'd really like to thank Kneecap (am I allowed to do that?) for Beta-ing.

Anyway. Sorry for taking up so much space with this inane blabbering. On with the fic.

---

The parents were out for the night, and my little brother was at his friend's house. The good china was stored away, along with sharp utensils, and all the electrical sockets were successfully blocked. I took any and every precaution that I possibly could to make sure that nothing would go wrong.

When the doorbell rang, it was 7:30 exactly. He's abnormally punctual. It just adds to the 'creep' factor.

I took a deep breath and, with a knife and phone in my other hand, yanked the door open. There he was, ghastly as ever. Smiling. Why? I can't really say. "Okay, remember our agreement?" I asked briskly.

"No touching, no talking, no trouble," He alliterated.

"Clever, clever," My voice was already shaking. Suddenly I got really out of character… and actually started _begging_ him. "Please, just don't do anything that we'll both regret later on," My mouth felt really dry. "There's no reason for this. After we're done the project, we can just go back to being out of each other's faces and… _lives_, and it'll be just a blip on- on our radars," I tried to swallow, but there was nothing _to_ swallow.

He just kept on smiling. "Silly girl. This is no time for fun. Tsk tsk tsk," Then he looked down at the knife in my hand. "Oh!" He squealed, a giddy smile on his face. "So cute!"

Uh… what?

"Huh?" I raised a brow.

All I saw was a blur, literally, and with a 'WHOOSH', a pointy object was in his hand. A huge one. I don't wanna say it was a knife because it was more like a fucking sword. "But mine is bigger!" He sing-songed.

I stared blankly at the weapon in his hands. Where did it even come from? How did he manage to hide that thing? I mean, it was big. _Big_. Scary big.

"Uh…" I felt my stomach contents sway.

"I know. You're impressed. But we really should get started," He slid the blade back into his belt - it had some sort of… sword-holder-thing – and waltzed right into the house.

"Okay uh… follow me…" I led him into the living room. It was getting dark by now, but all the drapes were wide open and the lights were on. I wasn't planning on closing them.

"People can see inside," He noted straight away. "We can't see them, but they can see us. Like fish in an aquarium," He turned his head to look at me, sizing me up. "How very voyeuristic of you. But I am not at all surprised. Someone like you, you just love people peering into your life and '_ooh_'-ing and '_ahh_'-ing at your 'so-called' splendor. Just so that you can feel special. Because you really need to feel special, so that you can fill that void in your petty life. You know what I'm talking about."

I gawked at him uncomprehendingly, before sighing, "Are you always this weird, or are you putting on a show just for me?"

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me in this really messed up way. Like he was trying to read my thoughts or something.

"The windows are open, because if you try any freaky shit, someone will see it, and call the police." After another few silent, uncomfortable seconds, I looked at the books that he was clutching onto like a Fendi bag. "What's that?"

"Knowing that you have no knowledge of… anything, really, I brought along some things that might help you along," He sat down on the floor, cross-legged, and spread the books out in front of him. I hesitated before sitting down a few feet away. "Stop being such a prick and come closer," He snarled, all of a sudden hostile.

"Okay, okay! God," I pouted and shuffled a little nearer.

"God has nothing to do with it," He seemed really into this subject. "In fact, he probably doesn't exist either, so stop talking about him."

"What? I wasn't talking about- nevermind. What do you mean he doesn't exist _either_?" I scrunched my nose up.

"Nothing exists," He said it as if I should've known.

I actually laughed out loud. "Okay. Whatever. Clearly this is a joke to you," I ran a hand through my hair, something I do when I'm stressed.

"A joke?" He hissed, sending a chill right up my spine. "Why don't you _**SHUT THE FUCK UP?**_ And listen." He went from coolly quiet to startlingly loud to quiet again. The four words that he, basically, screamed alarmed me so much that I went reeling backward, my mouth and eyes wide open.

Johnny calmly opened a book that had a boring brown cover on it and not much else. "Descartes would be a good place to start," He mused to himself. "'Cogito, ergo sum'. I think, therefore I am. Have you ever heard that before?" He looked up at me with these big, innocent eyes; with a curiosity I can only compare to a child.

"Um. No," I blinked several times; still trying to rid myself of the shock he gave me.

He smiled modestly. "It means that our thoughts verify our existence. That was Descartes' theory, that by the very process of thought, we subsist."

"I… I see," I nodded slowly. 'No sudden movements,' I thought to myself. 'Just be cool, act natural, insert cliché here, just don't show him fear. He's got to be like an animal, able to smell fear…'

He went prattling on about Descartes and his theory and, to be perfectly honest, I tuned out, because he was boring me. Finally, he looked up at me, expecting me to say something.

"I think that's ridiculous," I sighed. "I think, therefore I am? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I am, therefore I think? Because… like… isn't that statement implying that our thoughts made us?" I grabbed my head. "Ugh. I don't get it," As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I regretted them. I expected him to throw a fit, to go absolutely ballistic.

He glanced down for a moment at his book, then back at me. He was plotting something, I could tell. He had that look. That… plotting look. He was very, very quiet. Then…

"Do you have any burritos?"

I couldn't think of what to say. The gears in my mind stopped turning. "…No…" WRONG ANSWER.

"No burritos?" He asked softly. "No burritos?! ARGH. What kind of person are you if you don't even have any _burritos_ in the house?! I mean, it's a staple, a _staple_!!" Like a tiger he leapt forward and grabbed my head. "Explain this!!"

Was he for real? I mean, was he _really_ freaking out over some burritos? "We could just go out and get some!" I gasped desperately, breathless from panic. His grip on my head lessened. "There's a convenience store a few blocks down. I'll buy them!" I sounded frantic.

"Excellent!" He jumped up and walked out of the room. I, however, lay collapsed on the floor with relief.

"God," I breathed. "What a freak."

---

It was unusually frosty that night, so I had on a thick black sweater, hood thrown over my head, and big black boots. With Johnny beside me, I figured that we must have looked like two criminals on the prowl. It was kind of fun, actually.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked him halfway to the convenience store.

"No," He answered briskly. He didn't sound too interested in conversation. Too bad I'm always interested in conversation, no matter whom it's with. I just don't shut up.

"I think the answer to Alton's question is simple: we know we exist because of our five senses… you know, sight, smell, all that shit," I offered. I wasn't trying to talk to him because I think it's fun, by the way. I was trying (despondently) to move the project along, as, evidently, we were getting nowhere. The sooner we finish, the better.

He just sighed like an irritated mother. "It's more complicated then that," He kept his gaze firmly settled forward.

"Um… okay," I shrugged, and continued to look up at him. He kept staring straight ahead, as if there was something there and he was trying to figure out what it was. He didn't even seem to notice that I was looking at him.

I watched him. It was so surreal; he really was like a ghost (as cliché as that may sound) drifting in and out of the glow of the streetlights. I wondered to myself what his mother must look like. I wondered if he had killed her, if she had killed herself, if maybe that was what made Johnny such a psycho. I truly wanted to ask him, partially because I wanted to know and partially because I was curious of his reaction.

He'd probably kill me, so I decided against it.

"What are you staring at?" He asked, shattering the hush of nighttime. He kept looking intently frontward.

"Sheesh. Someone's moody," I snickered, just because it was such an understatement.

His eyes flicked to me and then forward again. "Shut up," he said calmly.

And so I did.

---

As soon as we had entered the store, Johnny grabbed me by the wrist and darted to the back of the store.

"What the _hell_ is your issue?" I howled as we went flying past shelves of various fatty foods I would never _dream_ of touching.

"I can't believe you've never had a burrito!" He responded, as if that would answer my question.

"What's a burrito anyways?" I asked while trying to avoid crashing into the displays. He suddenly decided to come to a screeching halt, causing me to ram right into him and fall over. The second time I was on the floor because of him.

"Jesus!" I yelled, not caring if the cashier was staring at me with obvious hilarity. I looked up at Johnny to find him sour-faced once again. "What?" I asked quietly.

"You're even more bizarre then I thought," he sounded quite frazzled.

"Yeah. _I'm_ the bizarre one here," I grumbled. "Aren't you going to help me up?" I wasn't really expecting him to.

But he did! Just not in the way I would think a boy would help a girl up. Instead of extending a helping hand, he grabbed a fistful of my hair and wrenched me up, slowly, while I screamed like a banshee. I used my legs to scramble upwards so he wouldn't tear it all out. All the while he seemed to be enjoying himself, laughing wildly and tossing his head back in delight.

Even when I was up on my feet, he wouldn't let go. He just dragged me all the way to the very back of the store, and then pressed my face into the glass door of the freezer with one hand on the back of my neck. "See!" He pushed himself up to the door. "There!" He pointed to a box.

"What!" It was less of a question and more of an automatic response. I matched his tone and volume.

"There…" He suddenly got really quiet, really whisper-y. "The red one," He was wide-eyed, as if it was something awe-inspiring. Then he stood up straight, still pressing me into the glass, and said, "That's a box of burritos."

"I see," I said blankly. He released me, got his burritos, and I went to pay for them. Somehow, throughout the whole ordeal, and the scariness of it all, I was somewhat amused. At least he wasn't boring. The only thing worse then a crazy person is a boring one.

But that doesn't mean I like him. Like… when people go to sideshows, they laugh and point and are generally pleased, but they don't want to be friends with the freaks. See what I mean?

---

"Oh _fuck_ no, I'm not eating that!" I stared at the burrito Johnny had just unfrozen in my microwave.

"Don't you get it? Don't you _understand_?!" He shoved the burrito in front of me and I nearly gagged. "Don't think of it as a burrito! Think of it as a new lease on life, a gateway to better things," He pressed it up against my mouth. "_EAT_!!"

"No!" I swiped the thing out of his hands. "This is just empty calories. Calories are the very bane of my existence," I explained.

"What existence?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

I pursed my lips. "Are you- are you serious? Do you think you're making sense right now? Cuz- cuz you're not…" I was so flustered that I didn't even know what I was saying.

"You're so sure of your 'existence' but who is to say that you exist?" He was beginning to sound a lot like a mad philosopher.

"Oh GOD you know what? Stop spewing bullshit and-" Out of the blue came an epiphany. "What if all this 'existence' stuff is just… just a bunch of filler? What if it really means nothing? What if…" I looked down at the burrito.

And then I took a bite. "What if we're just asking stupid questions?" I asked with a mouthful of mystery meat and other miscellaneous foods.

"Then we'll get stupid answers, naturally," He replied. "Elaborate," He added.

"Like…" A piece of the burrito flew out of my mouth, but I couldn't be bothered. I was getting somewhere, and the burrito was helping me. "What if we're just going 'ooh, ooh strange, mystifying universe, what is the meaning of life, blah blah' for nothing? What if we're just… like… chemical reactions, or something?"

He grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Congratulations. You've just discovered epiphenomenalism," He praised me with a firm slap on the head.

"Epiphen- epiphenomalism?" I attempted.

His smile faltered. "Eat your goddamn burrito," He grumbled.

I blinked, and then took another bite of the burrito. "Why am I eating this thing?" I asked myself out loud.

Johnny's smirk returned. "It's quite simple, really. I control you," He said.

"No you don't," I put the burrito down. "In fact, it's the other way around," I crossed my arms and leaned on the kitchen counter.

"Oh really?" It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. "Then please explain to me why all this time, you've been yapping about your beliefs and spewing your guts to me, while I stand by listening?"

"What are you talking about," It was supposed to be a question, but again, it came out wrong.

"I control you," He repeated simply. "Don't ask me how. But I do. I control everything. You, your parents, your insolent little friends. Everything. I can do things that you would never get away with. I can, you know, because I control it. Or…" here he got all dramatic again. "Maybe I'm being fooled as well… maybe something is controlling me, like I think I control you…"

"Shut the fuck up, Johnny," I spat. This little charade was becoming really annoying. "You're full of shit,"

An absolutely murderous look came over him. And it wasn't just his face; it was his body language too. He _changed_, somehow, and turned into this malevolent thing. His hands moved faster then I could see and before I could react they were clutching at my neck, suffocating. He lifted me off the ground slightly, so that my feet were only just touching the ground.

"Whoever gave you the right to talk to people like that, huh? WHO? Was is it your parents?!" He shook me and I tried to loosen his grip but it was all for nothing. He just tightened it.

"Gah-" I choked. "I can't-"

"Or perhaps you were just made that way!?" He went up in volume. "Just like all the rest of them, aaaaaallll the rest…" He gritted his teeth together and throttled me. I tried to cry out but all that I could manage was a pitiful twitter. "How many more?!"

Unexpectedly, he dropped me on the floor (for the third time). "Not. Worth. It." He looked down at me contemptuously. "I have more patience then that," He added, before turning and walking away.

"See you next week!" He chirped merrily, and then I heard the front door open and slam shut.

My first instinct was to call my friends. Not my parents, not the police… my friends. I scurried over to the phone and dialed Wendy's number. Johnny was about to pay dearly for what he did.

---

You know what to do. Review, review, review.


	5. Von Restorff Effect

**A/N**: So. I like reviews. More please. Also, I've decided to give all the chapters names now. See if you can figure them out. Yeah. Go for it.

---

It took a little bit of preparation, but my plan was now set in motion. It wasn't anything too concrete, but it would probably make Johnny wish he had never been born. Hopefully.

That Monday morning was pretty normal for me. I got up, went jogging, ate breakfast, got dressed… except I was feeling good. Great, actually. I can't really remember a time when I felt so excited over something. This was gonna be so the best day ever.

I walked into school as naturally as I could, but already I could hear everyone buzzing with excitement. No… not excitement, something else. Anticipation. They were all anticipating the news that I was going to bring them. They were counting on me to bring the goods.

And I did. Immediately, a gaggle of girls ran up to me, chattering all at once. "Are you alright?" Janet looked me over, grabbing both my arms and holding onto them. She wasn't really worried about me; I knew that, she just wanted to hear all about it. But that didn't bother me.

I tried not to smile. I looked down demurely, tipped my head to one side, and said, "I'll manage," in a soft, warm voice that sent all the girls into a frenzy of, 'oh you poor thing!' and 'I can't believe he thought he could lay a hand on you!'

"What a perv, seriously," Katie attempted to comfort me. She was a tall, awkward thing with giant brown eyes, so she towered over me.

"What exactly happened?" Janet shook my arms a little bit; I could see that she was struggling between her desire to know everyone's business and her desire to seem sincere. Really, she didn't have to do that, because we both know what she wants. But it was more realistic this way.

"Oh, I don't want to discuss it right now," I continued to stare down at the floor like a woman damaged by someone dreadful. I looked up through my lashes, keeping my head bent downwards, and added, just to tantalize them even more, "I think you all know what happened," and of course that drove them _mad_.

I spent the day flanked by a horde of gossip-hungry teenagers acting as if they really cared about my well-being. I was bought lunch by three people, I was hugged more times then I could count, people gave me their cigarettes, Jason was practically plastered to my body, and everyone was all, 'Oh Audrey, that poor thing!'

Johnny went through hell. Which was my intention, of course. But sometimes it was painful for me to watch him suffer. Really, it was! I mean, GOD, I was so angry that he would treat me that way, but… I dunno. Maybe it's my conscience acting up again.

Like… for example, I had been sitting in the cafeteria, surrounded by my adoring fans, of course, when he walked past my table. I lowered my head like a frightened animal, so that my forehead was touching the table. That was when I heard a loud 'chuck' sound followed by a brief shocked silence, and then boisterous laughter from all corners of the room.

I looked up to see Johnny covered in what I could only identify as milk. Someone had thrown a milk carton at him, and it had exploded. _A milk carton exploded on him_. I didn't see his face because his back was to me. He was just standing there, shaking. I doubt that he was crying, I think he was just really pissed.

And then after lunch, in Biology, he bolted out of class and left school. Just left, and no one tried to stop him.

What seems to have happened, was that he was standing beside a table with vials of various liquids. Mark, my ex, body-checked him while walking by, and Johnny ended up stumbling slightly. Apparently, he lost his footing, crashed into the table, and broke all the vials. And Mrs. Briar blamed him for the entire mess.

Then he crushed some of the glass with his boots, said something, which I didn't catch, and walked out. Now no one knows where he went.

Is it weird that I'm a little worried? I mean, like, why? He means nothing to me. We're not friends, we don't even like each other. So… what's the deal here?

---

After three days of no Johnny, I decided to do a search party type of thing. By myself. Because it obviously wouldn't make any sense to anyone else if I asked them to look for Johnny with me, since I spread that rumor about him. That probably gave most people the impression that I hated him.

So I did some detective work, and I found his number. I called it. Turns out the phone was disconnected. Then I called some of the kids that I saw him talking to once or twice, and asked them if they knew where he might be.

They didn't. Or maybe they just didn't want to tell me, but I hadn't thought of that when I was calling them.

Thus ended my search. And so I sat at home for the rest of the night watching the evening news. It seemed that someone was running around town committing some gruesome murders. Lots and lots, actually. The police were really stumped and, I'd imagine, they were kind of embarrassed because with this large quantity of deaths, there should be at least one or two sightings. But nope, nothing. No one knows anything.

In the back of my mind, I'm wondering if Johnny could be… but then, that's a seriously stupid thought. He's only a teenager. He might be 'troubled' or whatever, but I seriously doubt he would go as far as to really kill somebody. I mean, yeah, there are those rumors about him and all that, but none of them hold any truth. That would be so ridiculous.

---

A sinking feeling that I was not accustomed to settled in on the fifth day of his absence. That was when I started to question myself, and exactly what I was expecting out of him. I couldn't understand. I just couldn't. Why was I so worked up over this freak, this outcast, this reject? I barely know him, not to mention I _cannot_ stand him. The way he acts towards me is just appalling… like he doesn't know who am I! Where I stand in the social structure! He knows, surely, that I can ruin his entire life in a heartbeat.

And yet, he's so… insubordinate. I just don't get him. In fact, I don't think anyone really does. He's an outsider even to the outsiders. Why does he do this? He's just so stupid, it aggravates me.

Maybe… maybe that's why I can't get my goddamn mind off of him for one second. I want to understand why he's so defiant. Maybe because I'm so used to people being lesser then me, having people always under my thumb. I'm not afraid to admit it, I _am_ a control freak. I must have dominance over every last human being that I come into contact with. Because that is who I am.

No one has ever argued that, or tried to go up against me without being shot down. And that's what I did with Johnny, I shot him down. Usually, when a hunter shoots a deer, it doesn't go back and try to fix it, because that was the hunter's original goal - to kill the deer - right?

So what the fuck is wrong with me?

Anyway, I did end up finding him. At Taco Bell, no less. I was working the cash register when I saw him come into the restaurant. He didn't seem to notice me. He went to the other register, ordered something, and stalked away to eat alone in some dark corner.

At first I couldn't figure out what to do. He clearly saw me… but then again, I was wearing my hair in a bun, with a hairnet, and a hat, and I was wearing that hideous uniform. Perhaps he didn't recognize me?

"Oh my god… Lucy, I'm going on break," I called to my manager without even bothering to look at her. I started to leave my place at the register.

"You took a break ten minutes ago!" She yelled back at me.

"Then I'm going again!"

"It's coming out of your pay check!"

"Whatever!"

I rolled my eyes and quickly rushed over to Johnny, who was sitting in a booth at the very back of the restaurant. He had his back turned to me. I jumped into the booth, across the table from him, with a big jolly, "Hey!"

He was drinking, and I must've startled him or something, because the drink went flying out of his hands and almost onto the floor, but he managed to save it. "Holy _shit_!" His eyes were like dinner plates, which made me snicker. "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" He continued his tirade. "I'm eating! At least, I _was_ eating, before you fucking ambushed me! JESUS. What the fuck do you want from me?! Haven't you had enough already?"

"Just saying hi," I sighed in exasperation at his spazzy-ness. "Why are you so jumpy, huh? Not like you didn't see me coming," I crossed my arms and bobbed my head forward as if that would make my point more obvious for him.

"You're damn right I didn't see you coming!" He took a sip of whatever it was he was drinking. "Have you become a certified stalker now, or is this a delight that only I am privy to?"

"I'm not stalking you. You're not that special. I work here," I paused. "I've never seen you come in here before," I watched him take a voracious bite into his taco.

"I decided on something new for today," He took another bite, swallowed, and continued, not looking at me once. "What are you really here for?"

"What do you mean? I'm just here to say hello," I blinked innocently.

He stopped eating and looked up at me with a bothered glare. "You don't think I'm that moronic, do you?" He asked in a cutting way. "Now just tell me what you want," He grumbled and looked back down at his meal.

I put my elbows on the table, leaning forwards. "How come you haven't been at school this past week? Where have you been? What happened?" I didn't mean to sound so possessed, it just came out that way.

He stopped chewing for a moment, seemed a bit piqued, continued chewing, swallowed. "I felt like taking a little time off. Everyone needs a vacation," He stared at the half-eaten taco in such a way that I could not decipher.

"What?" I spat. "What the hell do you mean, everyone needs a vacation? What about our project? Alton gave us free time in class two days in a row, to work on the project, and you weren't there, and I didn't know what to do with myself!" I was sounding hysterical now. This is not me, _I swear_.

Johnny looked bored for a moment, then a leisurely smirk crossed his face. "What's the fixation, Audrey?"

That got me really flustered. "No- no fixation, no fixation. I just don't want to fail this thing, and I'm wondering when you're gonna be back from this 'vacation' of yours," I could feel myself blushing. This never happens! Not even with boys I'm attracted to, I never blush. I don't think I've ever blushed in my entire life.

"I'll be back soon," He raised a brow. "Don't cry for me Argentina, the truth is I never left you," He quoted. The smirk remained.

Was he- oh god, was he trying to be _playful_?! Oh. Dear. _God_. "Okay oh my god please don't ever say that again ever," I tripped over my own tongue trying to get that out. "I just want to know that you're not gonna ditch me and leave me with an entire project to do alone," I was still blushing; I could feel the heat on my face. And thinking about it was making me blush even more. It was like an awful, unbreakable cycle. This must be what ordinary people feel.

He looked at me. Just looked at me. Didn't say a word. I could swear he was trying to read my mind again, and it was getting to be quite unnerving. Then he took another bite of the taco, and an awkward silence reared its downright hideous head.

I had to ask. I just had to. I had to know what the deal was. "Why did you leave in the first place? Was it because Mark made you break the bottles, and Mrs. Briar blamed you?" I felt anxious immediately after asking because I was afraid of what he might do.

He looked up at me again, and he didn't even need to say anything, because I knew what he was thinking. "I needed to take a break from your insufferable friends, yes. They tend to…" He stopped talking and went back to his taco. I wanted to know, so desperately, what he was going to say next, but I didn't ask.

I shifted uncomfortably. "Um…" I began. "I'm… I, uh, um… I'm… I'm sorry," I finally managed to get it out. It felt weird.

Johnny burst out into hysterical laughter. I mean, hysterical. His whole body was shaking and he was practically crying. "That was the best thing I've heard all week!" He cackled. "Come on, say it again, just for fun!"

"What!" I huffed. "No, I'm serious! I'm really sorry," I took a deep breath in to lessen the nausea that came with that phrase. "It's not my nature to apologize, I don't do this sort of thing, so you better take it," I advised.

"Well now, I'm positively _thrilled_," Sarcastic much?

I moved back into my seat. "No, really," I lowered my tone, in a way that a severely humiliated person might. "I'm serious, now just take it or leave it," I repeated.

"Whatever," He still didn't sound satisfied, but that was a step in the right direction right there.

"So…" I sighed, trying to avoid another silence between us. "What are we going to do about our situation?"

"I didn't know we had a situation," He spoke with lifeless composure.

"I mean, like, every time we get together to work on the project, we end up… you know…" I trailed off, figuring that enough was said.

Of course, he didn't say anything in response.

Grr.

"If we keep up this charade, we'll never end up getting what we want, which is to finish this thing and get it out of the way," I said firmly. "I offered a truce, but you refused to take it. Now I'm offering again."

His eyes glazed over. I think he was mulling over whether I was sincere or not. His quiet thinking was followed by a grin. "But won't you be bored?"

I scoffed. "Boredom… has nothing to do with it," I scratched the back of my neck inelegantly. "All I ask is that we tone down the crazy."

He laughed at me. Again! What is with this kid? "You're better then David Hasselhoff!" He snorted.

I could literally feel my face go blank. "Um. Okay. Thanks?" I couldn't be sure if that was a compliment or not. "And that comment is relevant, how?"

"Never you mind," He sniggered, still evidently amused by me. "And stop being so uptight all the time. Every time I see you it's all 'blah blah blah blah.' Don't you ever shut up? I _hate_ obnoxious people!"

I stared, bewildered. "Whoa… jeez, sorry! And you're telling _me_ I'm obnoxious?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Amazing, really. "You're impossible. See, see! You start all these little spat thingys!"

He started laughing again and I gave up and let him get it out of his system. "Listen," I tried to disrupt his mad giggling. "We're way behind on the Philosophy thing. I've been doing a little studying-"

"Shock!" He gasped.

"Shut up," I grimaced. "I've been studying, and I think I've got a good grip on the subject. But I don't know what we're supposed to do next…"

He rolled his eyes so much I thought they were going to pop out of their sockets. "You're helpless without me, aren't you?"

I pursed my lips and firmly pondered that thought.

Johnny sighed in a manner more befitting to me. "Don't worry, I'll be back at school next week-"And then something completely unanticipated and horrifying and baffling and appalling happened. My stomach did a flip thing. Not an 'AHH SCARY!' flip thing. No, this was an 'ooh excitement!' flip thing. My stomach never does flip things! In the course of half a second, I went through about six different emotions: fear, shock, elation, grief, contentment, and, most of all, perplexity.

Johnny continued talking. "I just have to take care of some business, but I should be quite efficient at it, so…" He kept chitchatting, but I stopped listening and fell back into my head. What brought on this sudden stomach-flip-thing? What could it possibly lead to? What-

OH! OH GOD! OH! NO!

---

Go ahead, sunshine. Review me.


	6. Halo Effect

**A/N**: Well, if you're reading, can you please review? Uh, please? And… Audrey's not blonde.

---

Johnny kept talking and talking, apparently not noticing how my face had slowly transformed into _The Scream_ by Edvard Munch. No really, I actually resembled like the painting. Mouth hanging open, hands clutching at the sides of my face.

I was positively horrified.

It couldn't be! It simply _could not_ be, in every way possible. I must've been… like… hallucinating, or something. Now, instead of flipping, my stomach was in the throes of gnawing queasiness. I groaned audibly and wrapped my arms around my abdomen.

"What? What's wrong with you?" His lips curled as if he was disgusted all of a sudden.

"Er… I'm hungry," I avoided his glance. I didn't want him to look in my eyes and see what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure he's a mind-reader. Don't ask how I know this, I just do.

He looked at me comically. "You're in a restaurant…"

"Yeah. So?"

"Come on, you can figure it out…" He waited for a few seconds, then sighed, clearly displeased. "There's _food _everywhere, you idiot," It sounded more like a question than a statement.

I scoffed. "Okay then. I don't eat this 'food,' if you haven't already learned that from the burrito incident," I added air quotes on 'food' for dramatic emphasis.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Who do you think you are?" He snapped. This took me aback. My posture went rigid, and my lips set into a firm line. "You discriminate!"

"I- _what_?"

"Discriminate! You show favoritism towards certain foods, and then, when you are faced with other choices, you judge them before you get to try them!" He upped the volume a bit.

I folded my arms over myself protectively. "This isn't just about food, is it?" I asked cautiously.

"Don't talk crazy. Of course this is about food," He seemed quite agitated now. "Just eat a taco," He suddenly became very calm. Sometimes, when he's not freaking out, he's more or less comatose.

"We're not starting this again are we?" I whined. "I mean, you have no right to judge my eating habits! Look at what you're always eating!"

"What? What am I always eating?!"

"Like…" I was suddenly lost for words. Why was I lost for words? _I'm never lost for words_. I can't stress this enough. "Like, t-tacos… and, and burritos…" I stumbled, sounding like quite a moron now.

"I never eat tacos," He said lowly, darkly. Such a drama queen.

"Hah. Yeah I'll bet," I turned my head away because I was getting scared of what his face looked like. "You told me that burritos lead to better things… I think what you meant was burritos lead to tacos!"

Johnny's face contorted laughably. "What are you talking about?"

"That's right. J'accuse, monsieur Johnny!" I pointed, then instantly wanted to cringe. Could I get any more trite? "Oh god I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying," I once again surprised at my use of the '_s_' word. Wow.

He tilted his head slightly, a suspicious look upon his face. "You're acting rather strangely today," He pointed out, and then seemed to have a moment of clarity, as he said, "have the aliens gotten to you?"

I shrugged, keeping my expression calm. "Maybe," I replied, perfectly serious, sedated.

Johnny smiled. He _smiled_. And then the flippy thing happened again. "Okay, well, listen," I stammered. "I've gotta get back to work because this is my second break today and my boss – her name's Lucy, hah – she's gonna get really pissed off because I've already taken a break today, and, like, she's taking it out of my paycheck so I've gotta go, okay?" I was totally rambling and I knew it. "Okay bye!" I said before he could say anything, and I ran away.

God. I feel sick.

---

I was sprawled out on my bed, pretty much dead, when Jason called. When I heard the phone ring, I got so startled that I fell right on the floor with a high-pitched yelp. I scrambled for the phone. "Hello?" I gasped, my heart beating erratically.

"Hey babe," His baritone voice was smooth and tantalizing, as always. "Can I come over tonight?"

I made myself comfortable on the floor and leaned against my bed. "Uhhh… no," I was still trying to calm myself.

"_No?_" He sounded shocked.

"Yeah, um, my parents are home tonight. So it's really not a good idea," I swallowed hard, twisting a piece of my newly colored auburn hair.

"What? I thought you parents were in Jamaica?"

"They're leaving tomorrow," I sighed. "Why don't I just go over to your place?"

I could hear him smiling. Really, I could. "Sounds great. See you in fifteen," He hung up without saying anything else. And that was precisely how I liked it. No strings attached, keep it casual, no one gets hurt.

All I had to do in order to get ready was put on some lipstick and mascara, grab a coat, and just walk out. My parents wouldn't ask where I was going, because by now, they'd grown accustomed to my sporadic absences.

That night I was with Jason. Whenever I spend the night with him, I think about nothing but him. Nothing exists but him and me. Ugh. I know, I know, it's totally cheesy. But that's just how it is. It's not so much romantic and loving as it is carnal and obscene.

That night, I was preoccupied. It wasn't Jason.

---

I had spent the whole weekend with him. His parents were gone, my parents were gone, and all we did was just have some good old amatory fun. Two and a half days of nothing but alcohol, a few spliffs, and sex. Classic. It eventually helped me get back to my senses. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyway, when Monday rolled around, I was feeling both relaxed and exhausted, still coming down from my incessant 'Jason' high. I came to school looking like a twenty-five-cent hooker. Why? Because I felt like one at that very moment.

In Media Studies, Samantha kept talking about… something. I give generic responses and pretended to care. I felt queasy again. I tried not to think about him. I tried really hard. I did! But then he came into the room, and sat right next to me, and I felt my tummy clench painfully. I rubbed my abdomen absentmindedly, remembering how little real food I had eaten.

I smiled. That's gotta be at least three pounds that I'd lost.

"Isn't it great?" Samantha squealed.

"Oh… yeah, that's fabulous," I sighed, leaned my head back, and closed my eyes.

"Tired?" She asked.

"Yep," I nodded, eyes still closed.

"Jason?" Her voice was sly.

I just smirked and didn't bother giving her anything else to gossip about. I heard her shuffle about in her seat. "I totally understand. I'll leave you alone to recover," She giggled childishly. My smile faded instantly, mostly due to the revulsion that hit me like a bolt of lightening.

Letting myself float back into a trancelike state, I stopped all and any thoughts of _him_, and focused on the emptiness in my head. And I thought, 'what if that's all there is? Just emptiness in my head?' and that reminded me of the Philosophy project and, of course, that led to other things.

I felt something prickly but light hit me in the face and I jerked out of my daydream. I looked around the classroom, a rabid look upon my face. Class hadn't started yet since Porter was out of the room, people were chattering flippantly, and Samantha had her back turned to me. I looked down on the ground.

A crumpled up piece of paper lay at my feet. I looked around again, but no one was paying any attention to me. I picked it up, unfolded it, and nearly had an embolism. It was drawing. Of Noodle Boy. The cartoon, not the person.

It had a caption that said, 'Midday Doldrums', and Noodle Boy was exclaiming, 'my god, you're beautiful!' while pointing at some dead thing, probably a dog. My chest felt like someone was sitting on it. I swallowed audibly.

"What the fuck is this?" I turned to Johnny with a straight, somber expression.

He was scribbling in his notebook, and didn't look up, when he said, "What do you think?"

I raised a brow, unsure of what to say. "It's weird," I responded after a short pause.

He kept drawing. The pen was making scratching noises over the paper. I watched him hypnotically. "What about it is so weird?"

I looked at the cartoon again. "It makes no sense. Why's he looking at some dead dog and calling it beautiful?" I scrunched my nose at the picture.

Johnny pierced with an absolutely evil look. "Are you _really_ that stupid? I can't believe it! I can't believe I'm in the _presence_ of such stupidity! Such ignorance! Such-"

"Okay! Jesus fucking Christ, I get it!" I tried to yell at him but my throat was hoarse so it just came out as a gravelly growl. "I just asked you a question, you freak!"

He was about to retaliate when Porter came in and silenced the class. I smashed back into my chair and crossed my arms tightly. "What a little prick," I mumbled to Samantha, gesturing to Johnny. I felt like my brain was alighted with fire.

"Why?" She whispered, leaning closer to hear me.

I showed her the Happy Noodle Boy. "He tossed this at my face and just started cussing at me!" I hissed.

Samantha leaned out away from me. "God, what a freak."

"I know! That's exactly what I said," I huffed, feeling chagrined and trying to seem unmoved. What was his problem? I can't believe I had a stomach-flip for him. What was I thinking? I pursed my lips and frowned. I hated him then. I hated him for being so disrespectful, for being so crazy, and for being so fucking insufferable. I couldn't have a lower opinion of him.

The crumpled picture stayed on my desk until the end of class, when I folded it up neatly, and tucked it into my purse.

---

With the coming of Philosophy class, I was shaking from anxiety, restlessness, and agitation. I couldn't control myself. I had to take a long, long cigarette break before coming to class, which led to the consumption of three cigarettes, one after the other. Usually I smoke about six per day. Today was a fifteen-cigarette day. All my precious Sobranie Black Russians, gone, just like that.

But even that wouldn't calm my nerves. I have Philosophy class with a couple girls: Felicity, Hilary, and Sophia. When I came into class, ten minutes late, after a half-hearted reprimand from Alton, the three of them waylaid me.

"Where were you?" Felicity whacked my arm as I took a seat beside her. "I was saving this seat for you… when you didn't show up I thought you left school. I thought I was gonna have to sit all by myself!"

"Felicity, get a grip. You're always whining," I sniped. Sure enough, she shut her mouth. I turned around in my seat to face Sophia. "What are we doing?"

"Alton gave us another free period to work on the project, but she says this is the last one for sure," Sophia is pretty, but only in that generic 'tall, skinny, blonde, blue eyes' kind of way. What's funny, for me, at least, is how everyone is saying that she thinks she's my competition.

I have no competition.

"Fantastic," I sighed, rolling my eyes dramatically in Johnny's direction. He wasn't paying any attention to me. He was just sitting in the very back of the class, clearly waiting for me to make the first move.

What choice did I have? None, really. So I stood up.

"Wait," Hilary stopped me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" I looked at her as if she was insane.

"Everyone knows that when something's bothering you, you smoke a lot," She said.

I burst out laughing. "Wow. Yeah, that's weird, huh? A smoker who smokes _a lot_ when bothered," I snorted.

"So what's up?" Felicity asked, her green eyes igniting with interest.

For a moment, I considered just telling them everything. I could do that. I could make them shut up about it, too, so that they doesn't tell anyone else. Besides, telling them wouldn't hurt. It might help me.

I sat back down. "Well…" I looked down at my hands, which were crossed neatly on the desk. "I've been having some peculiar boy problems lately-"

Suddenly they all started laughing. "Oh god, Audrey. 'Peculiar.' I just love how you use those funny words all the time!" Sophia grinned at me as if I was supposed to grin back.

"Right…" I looked to the side. "Never mind," I stood up again.

"No wait! We'll listen this time, we swear," Hilary was still giggling slightly.

"I'm sorry, ladies," I gave them an affable smile that was meant to weakly disguise my disapproval. "I just don't have time for this," I knew exactly how to sound civil and completely vicious at the same time. They quickly became quiet, and I walked away from them.

Johnny looked me up and down once. "Let me guess. You lost your lipstick," He jeered.

"You're an asshole," I said, as-a-matter-of-factly. I pulled up a chair and sat down roughly at his desk. "Stop judging me," I added.

"All right then. I'll humor you," He bent forward onto the desk. "What's the problem?"

I gazed up at him. What would be the harm in telling _him_? It's not like he has friends to gossip to. Out of the blue, it all just came pouring out of me. "They're all really stupid!" I pointed towards the trio sitting on the other end of the room, eyes wide, voice breathy and desperate. "And I'm not claiming to be Einstein myself, but they're _really_ stupid. I'm smarter than them by a long shot. Sometimes I feel like I'm the stupid one for hanging around these- these morons. Whenever I even try to speak to them, like any normal person, they… like… start laughing at me because they think I use 'funny words.' Funny words! Words that have more than two syllables to them are funny! God!" I ran both hands through my hair in frustration.

"Sometimes I wish that no one existed, you know? I wish that I was the only one so that just for once, just for fucking _once_, I didn't have to deal with them and all the problems that come attached to them," I paused, and then laughed dryly. "I sound so, like, emo right now. Sorry," I bit my lip and looked down at my hands again.

He just sat there quietly, and then said, "wouldn't that be convenient?" And the stomach-flip came racing back.

---

I glided through the rest of the day, barely noticing anything or anyone, just as I had this morning. Johnny was coming over, again, tonight, to get some extra work done since he'd missed a full week of school. I didn't want to be happy about it. In fact, I wasn't. It wasn't happiness, not by far. It was a sinking, sedating feeling that resonated from my gut, spreading outwards to my fingertips and lower.

I laughed too much, making some people suspect I was high. I vehemently denied it. I spoke like some cheesy eighteenth century poet, and it made people annoyed. I didn't notice. I just laughed whenever someone told me I was acting strange.

I was feeling strange, after all.

---

**A/N**: So… um… yeah, **review**reviewreviewrevie**review**wrevirewiwereiwverwieriiver_**REVIEW**_. Brainwash much?


	7. Capgras Delusion: Part I

A/N:

**A/N**: Fuck me… I'm back.

Quick warning: Little bit of a spoiler for those who haven't read/watched George Orwell's 1984. Just saying.

--

As soon as I got home, I changed out of my hooker-wear and into a pair of sweats and a huge sweater. Not like I had to look good for Johnny. That was one thing I kinda sorta almost-but-not-really liked about him – he didn't care if I wore make-up or a cute top or had my hair done up. He didn't care at all.

At precisely seven o'clock, the doorbell rang. I opened the door while still chewing my dinner. "Hey," I said with a mouthful of carrots and chicken. "Come in," I gestured for him to come inside. A piece of carrot flew onto his leather jacket. He calmly peeled it off.

He stood still in the doorway, unfavorably quiet.

"What's wrong with you?" I snorted.

He gave me a look. "I brought a movie," He held up a DVD. "It's called Nineteen Eighty-four," He added, as if I was unable to read the cover myself.

"What the hell…" I processed that for a moment. "What does that have to do with _anything_?"

"I thought it might help you understand some things," He rolled his eyes at me and walked past me without any further ado.

I just shrugged, still chewing on nothing in particular, and went to shut the door behind him. It was already starting to get cold, and a chill rushed inside, washing over me, giving me goosebumps. Like a bad omen.

I paid no attention to it and went into the living room where Johnny was already tampering with my DVD player.

"So what's it about?" I asked, sitting down on the floor several feet away from him.

"Oppression, and anti-totalitarianism," He said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"…oh."

--

I spent most of the film huddled backward in disgust or absolute horror. When it ended, I finally managed to speak. "What the fuck, Johnny!" I looked over at him. He obviously didn't seem bothered. "That was the most random pointless thing I've ever seen! It didn't even have a happy ending! They were supposed to fall in love!"

A pillow hit me hard in the head. "Ow," I grumbled, rubbing the place where it hit me indignantly.

"Don't be stupid," He hissed at me, his beady little eyes narrowed in bitterness. "That film speaks volumes about what we- _you_ are trying to learn. Dig a little deeper, you insolent twit."

"'Insolent twit'? Are you serious?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He kept staring at me like he wanted to kill me, so I just sighed and leaned back onto my hands. "Ehh okay. So that guy… they were trying to control him and stuff and they made him believe that two plus two equals five-"

"NO!" He threw his hands into the air in irritation. "Noooooo. He didn't _believe_ that two plus two equals five, he just _said_ that because he didn't want them to hurt him anymore. At first, at least, that's what happens. But then the Party brainwashes Winston to love only Big Brother. That way he can't love Julia because he has no love left for her. Do you see?" He tipped his head to the side.

My stomach fluttered and I frowned, willing it away. "I- I guess so, I mean… what does it have to do with our project?"

Johnny twitched. "I cannot believe I have been forced to put up with you and your puny intellect," He stood up, towering over me threateningly. I recoiled. "I could easily…" His voice softened. "Could easily just…" His entire face changed and he looked almost saintly.

Too bad it couldn't last. He shrank down to my level, and grasped my face tightly between his bony hands. This was the first time I really noticed that he was wearing gloves. Or maybe he hadn't worn them before and he decided to wear them today. But he was wearing them, and they were cold. "I could just break through the surface of your skin and into your cheekbones and maybe I could dig up into your eyes." He spoke like some melodramatic Shakespearian character.

My heart was thumping in my head louder than I'd ever heard it before. I could feel it banging in my chest and the adrenaline was propelling itself through my veins, whooshing in my ears. Or maybe that was just the sound of me trying to breathe through the urge to vomit all over myself. My teeth were clenched tightly, along with every muscle in my body. I'm sure I was the perfect picture of fright, and I'm sure he was well aware of this.

All I could see were his eyes, like two giant headlights staring at me. They widened a little bit more and he sighed, "You know what I haven't done in a long time?" Globular eyes still gawking at me.

"What?" It was an automatic response; my brain had switched into survival mode, knowing that if I didn't respond, it would get very, very bad. Somewhere deep inside my head was that little voice. You know, that voice? The one that's always panicking? Always thinking of the nastiest, most horrible things? It was talking to me, saying, 'he's gonna kill you! He's gonna rip your face off of your skull and eat it up!' I braced for the worst.

There was a little pause. I'm sure it only lasted for two or three seconds, but to me it felt like time totally just stopped, and I was stuck with it. I couldn't move.

Then Johnny put his head upon my chest and closed his eyes just like a little child. He stayed that way for at least a minute. I wasn't sure whether to push him off and risk being ripped apart, or to stay in that awkwardly close position. Something inside my gut was quivering and I couldn't tell if it was because of the apprehension or the… something else_._

'Don't think about it,' I said to myself. 'It's not what you think.' I sat rigid and immobile, trying to make my mind just _be quiet_. But of course it wouldn't shut up. It kept saying all those things and, well, it's not like I had any other choice but to listen.

"I haven't listened to a heartbeat in the longest time," He said. "The sound of blood pulling into the superior vena cava, into the atrium, and pushed out through the arteries just to make the journey back again. It's…" Dramatic pause. "Mesmerizing. Do you know what it is? It's the sound of vigour inside of you." Another pause. He inhaled slowly and exhaled surprisingly warm breath onto my skin. "This is an intimate moment."

His mouth was moving against my bones. That was how close it was. I could feel my heart pounding against him. That's how scared I was.

At that second, I had a thought that freaked me out all the more. 'If only my boyfriend did things like this!' It wasn't the thought that scared me; it was the meaning behind it. Seriously, it wasn't something I could even try to deny anymore. I know it sounds funny and cliché now, but then I was enamoured. And not with Johnny, but with the idea of Johnny. Which isn't a very good idea at all.

And then I did something pretty stupid. I put my hand on his head, pressing him closer. I may as well have just thrown a lit match onto a barrel of gasoline because he literally detonated.

Swish. That's the sound of him standing up and flying across the room. "What the FUCK do you think you're doing?! Don't fucking touch me, don't TOUCH me! ARGH." He looked like some sort of feral animal backed into a corner… hunched over, wild-eyed. He was scratching himself violently where my hand had been.

"What!?" I scoffed. "I'm not allowed to touch you, but you can just stick your head in between my boobs? Are you serious?" Something inside me now hurt very much.

He shuddered. "Oh, you're revolting. If you think that's what I was doing… I was merely searching for a sign of life in a body that seems so barren."

I laughed out loud. "I know, I know. You're trying so hard to sound, like, eloquent, or whatever. But… y-you sound stupid." That was the best comeback that I could produce because I was so flustered and humiliated. I could feel my face engulfed in a hot blush.

Idea: maybe I could turn the tables on him.

"I think you're the one who should be embarrassed because, well, you're the one who made the first move-"

"Move!?" He screeched. "I don't make 'moves'! You are imposing more meaning onto this than is needed. Calm down." He rolled his eyes at me.

"Calm down? What the fuck do you mean, calm down?" I don't know why this was making me so mad. Perhaps I was annoyed because history was repeating itself for the 500th time. Deep breath. "I'm perfectly calm, I'm just trying to figure out what that was all about." I tried to reason with him.

"I simply enjoy the sounds that come from your chest cavity. Is that so wrong?"

How do you reply to something like that? "Uh, well, it's not…" I scrunched my nose, searching for the word. "Normal."

True to form, Johnny burst into fits of frenzied laughter, diminishing to the floor on his knees, grabbing onto his sides.

"What?" I asked, slowly, uncomfortably. He didn't stop. I don't even think he was laughing anymore, he was just screaming and cackling and rolling around on my living room floor.

Somehow, his violent laughter was contagious, and I could feel a giggle building up. I tried to hold it back, but it came out as a snort, which caused a chain reaction: Johnny laughed harder and I, consequently, yielded into hysterics.

I swear, we spent five minutes laughing about the word 'normal'. Oddly enough, I kinda understood why he was so amused. I think. Because Johnny doing anything normal is just out of the question, and me even suggesting the idea of him trying to be normal is just absurd.

Still trying to quiet myself, I asked, "Oh my god. Can I call you John?" Why did I ask this? I really couldn't say. Maybe I was trying to cultivate some more intimacy between us. Maybe I had enjoyed our little moment.

All the hilarity snapped away from him. "No." He snarled, looking less-than-pleased.

"Oh," I looked to the side, feeling oddly frustrated for breaking the little moment of amiability. There were so few of them between us, after all. "Well, I don't like calling you 'Johnny' all the time, so I'm going to call you John."

He gave an exaggerated sigh and dug his face into his hands and sat that way for a moment before surfacing and grumbling something bitterly.

"Huh?" I leaned forward a little bit.

"I said," He sighed again. "Call me Nny."

"Nny?" I repeated under my breath. "What the fuck, where did that one come from?"

There are probably only two things in existence that can make me stop talking at once, and one of them is Johnny's 'annoyed face'. At the moment, he was glaring at me _that_ way. I raised my hands in an apologetic way.

He became softer. "Sometimes I want to kill you," It was expressionless, the way he said it. He inched a little bit closer. "I could, you know."

This didn't affect me as much as I thought it would. Maybe because he said it with such a lack of emotion that I didn't believe it. I didn't bother moving away. "You won't kill me…" I trailed off.

"Well. I've done it before. On someone else, obviously," He snickered. I scoffed, but I'm sure my face was uncertain. I didn't want to dwell on the subject. The sheer likelihood of it made me nervous.

"Anyways," I cleared my throat. "We need to get to work." I averted my eyes.

"I think the question is wrong," He said.

"Huh?"

"The question. 'How do I know I exist?' It's wrong," As if that explained anything. "It should be, 'how do I know that others exist?' You know that you exist. You know this because you are yourself, you are, and can be, nothing else. And so, since you can never be anyone else, you can only confirm your own existence. It's easy to do that, to yourself. It's not at all easy to confirm the existence of anything outside of your own mind, however."

I gawked at him, sucking in my cheeks. He didn't seem to get the message that I was confused.

He just continued on. "And you cannot ever convince anyone else that you exist, because, for all they know, they're the only existing being. It's called solipsism. The belief that you are the only one that has consciousness."

I nodded my head slowly. "So… um… does that… does that mean, um, that we're…" I chewed the inside of my mouth. "Are we finished then?"

"Finished?"

"Our project. We've pretty much answered the question, and then some…" I shuffled again.

"Ohhhoho," He laughed quietly, his eyes glazed over with a lunacy I can only attribute to a certain character from a certain movie about lambs. "You and I are not finished by a long shot."

Goosebumps speckled my arms.

"We still need to put it into visual form!" He brightened.

--

We ended up making a model of an eye out of paper mâche. It was Johnny's idea. He said it represented the only verifiable object: a mind. How does a mind relate to an eyeball? I didn't bother questioning it. I figured he knew what he was doing.

While we were both painting the balloon with messy, wet strips of newspaper, I decided to break the expected silence. "Hey, _Nny_," I tried out the new short name. "Since you seem to know a lot about all this stuff, I have a question for you."

He glanced up at me like a hyena at would-be prey. "Ask away."

"Where did the Universe come from?"

"The Big Bang."

"Yeah, okay, but… like…" I paused to think. "Like, where did that come from? Why did it happen? What caused it?"

"There is no point in asking that question," He said simply and continued to work on the balloon.

I frowned. "Why?"

He sat back from the balloon. "Let's say I do give you the answer, I tell you what caused the Universe to come into existence. Then you would ask what caused the cause of the Universe to come into existence. And so on, and so on. It's a never-ending chain of 'what caused the cause of the cause of the cause of the cause of the Universe?' Follow?"

I nodded slowly, not too sure of myself.

"Furthermore, if I tell you that there is no cause, well, that wouldn't make too much sense, would it? That it exists for no reason? That's irrational," Johnny looked at me square in the eye. "You see?"

"Yes," I looked down at my hands, saturated with gluey solution. Gross. "But no. So you're saying that there must be a cause?"

"I guess so."

"But you're also saying we can't know what cause? Because… it'll be all chain-like in the end?"

"That's what I'm saying."

"Then no. I don't understand," I was getting frustrated with myself. Whenever Johnny said something clever like that, I couldn't keep up.

"Alright. Listen. The cause is something we can't even comprehend, that's why it's impossible to answer the question, and so it's stupid to ask it," He rolled his eyes.

"So you're saying God created the Universe?"

"What?!" He sputtered. "God? What the fuck? Aren't you listening to me? GOD!" He growled. "How can you even bring God into this after everything I've _said_? Idiot! Merciless stupidity!"

"Are you gonna answer me or not?!" I raised my voice to the same level. "I'm sick of you always yelling at me! Just because I'm not as smart as you! Don't be such an elitist!"

"There's a difference between being an 'elitist', and being a human being with half a brain," He sneered.

"Why do you say these things to me?" I asked quietly. "Why are you so mean to me?"

He didn't share my muted attitude. He just started laughing like some mad scientist or something. "I can't believe you just asked that question! I mean, yeah, sure, stupid things have some out of your mouth before, it's to be expected, but nothing like that!" He snorted. "Are you joking with me? Huh? Are you joking? Please. Tell me you're joking."

I didn't say anything, just sat there and looked at him blankly. His amusement stopped abruptly. He leaned forward and hissed, "Why would a burn victim _be nice_ to a bonfire?" He was all quiet and brooding now.

A warm, sickening feeling washed over me. I stared. "I'm sorry," Felt weird saying that. I don't think I've ever meant it, ever, in my entire life. But I meant it now. I couldn't understand why. Well, yes, I could, but I was afraid that if I acknowledged it, I would go crazy.

Fuck that, I was already crazy.

"You're a liar," His pupils narrowed dramatically. "I can't take it, the lies, the idiocy. When will it end?"

"In about a week. That's when our project is due," I cleared my throat and scratched the back of my neck, the perfect picture of uneasiness. "So God is a part of this Universe then," I said. "And he would be part of the 'cause-chain' thing?"

"That's right!" He grinned, a 180 degree change from his dark demeanour two seconds ago.

"I've never learned so much in five minutes," I admitted. I had been looking at my hands again, and when I looked up, his face was perplexed. "What?"

He just watched me with a kind of focus I hadn't yet experienced. It was pretty intense, I'm not gonna lie. "You're a marshmallow," He sighed. Butterflies did backflips in my stomach.

The phone rang. I stared back at him. The phone rang a couple more times. I kept staring. His eyes, vacant, as usual, peered back at me. No words, it was piercingly quiet between us. Very unsettling, but I did nothing to break it. We were literally inches apart and my heart was pounding once again. Intense, intense.

"Your phone is ringing," He said, voice completely void of any sentiment I may or may not have been feeling at the time.

"I know," I didn't move, and neither did he. The phone rang again and I sighed dejectedly, yielding to that damned person calling my number. I got up and walked into the kitchen, picking up the phone.

"Hello," I droned.

"Hey, babe!" It was Felicity. "What's going on?"

"Um…" I didn't know what to say. "Just- like, um, just working on my philosophy project," I ran a hand through my hair in frustration and looked at Johnny sitting on the floor, casually regarding me like an uninterested cat.

"Ugh man, sounds like you need to get out, right?" She giggled.

"Uh, _no_."

There was a shocked silence. "You… don't… want to go out?" She said very slowly. I could hear the astonishment. "Are you sick?"

"No, I'm not sick," I kept looking at Johnny. "I'm busy."

"Oooh, is Jason there?"

"No I'm with Johnny."

She broke out into sputtering, uproarious laughter. "Are you serious? Why the fuck are you with _him_? Did he break into your house or something? Is he holding you hostage?"

"No," I snapped, annoyed. "He's my partner, and we need to finish our project. I can't go out," I twirled a piece of hair around my finger.

"Audrey," Felicity sounded very serious now. I'd never heard her sound serious before. "This isn't like you. In fact, you know what? You've, like, been acting… I dunno, different. The Audrey that I know and love would _never_ miss an opportunity to go out. And now you want to stay in?! To do homework?! With Noodle Boy?! What's going on?"

"Nothing! Nothing's going on, for fuck's sake! What's wrong with you? I need to do my work, now fuck off!" And with that, I hung up the phone. I was momentarily frozen in shock at the way I'd reacted. I didn't expect this explosion of rage, but it just happened.

Johnny was smiling shrewdly.

--

Well. There you go. Feel free to rape me for taking so long. I'll try to update a little more often now that school is out.


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